Because most trials have stenographers recording everything being said; they write down the good and the bad, and occasionally the ridiculous. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment. LAWYER: Could you see him from where you were standing? Witness: Yes. Subscribe and Help Me Hit 4,000,000 little cuties! Thanks to everybody for all of those funny Southwest FA remarks. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? LAWYER: How was your first marriage terminated? 40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At, The Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State, 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Hilarious, 40 Facts From the 20th Century That Are Totally Bogus Today, 100 Awesome Facts About Literally Everything, America's 30 Most Fascinating Unsolved Mysteries. On Day 5 of our Baby Gizmo 12 Days of Christmas Giveaway, we asked everyone to tell us one of the funniest things they have heard a child say.. Wow! Kids say the darnedest (funniest) things. The guys are so fun. WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male. – Anton Chekhov. The Best Legal Advice Ever… ... was spotted on a billboard ad for the law office of Larry L. Archie: … And it may close all of its retail locations. ATTORNEY: You forget? Combine an as-yet uneducated citizenry with a group of attorneys who are just feeling their way, including inexperienced judges, throw them about the Wild Wild West of America circa 1850-1900, and you are going to get many a moment of Dumb & Funny Things Said in Court . Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question." “If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”. Mar 6, 2018 - Explore Leslie Sanderson's board "Judge Judy Quotes..." on Pinterest. Judge: "Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?" The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”. Whether you're in the jury or on the witness stand or on trial yourself, it's a tense and nail-biting environment. LAWYER: And Mr.… LAWYER: What was he wearing under the mask? © 2021 Shareably Media, LLC. Poor cells 2. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami? In the heat of the moment, lawyers may also be asking some weird questions which often lead to confusion coupled with laughter. ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? – Ann Landers. The author describes his book as a “collection of verbatim exchanges from the halls of justice” to form “memorably insane comedy”. GORDON J: A big change of attitude. LAWYER: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? Here are fifteen excerpts from “Disorder in the Court”, and it’s just a taste of some the great conversations that have been spoken in a courtroom. WITNESS: Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't pronunciate his words. If two people died and one is still alive … well, you do the math, There's a lot of lumber, not lumbar, in the woods, Why you should never do an autopsy on the living, Dead people tend to know more or less immediately that they're dead. LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot … LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man—. And let’s admit it, some of the funny things kids say really amuse us. What school did you go to? All rights reserved. There’s never a reason not to make a pun. LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? Judge: "Have you anything to offer to this Court before I pass sentence?" Anyone can go on a vacation. The live ones put up too much of a fight. How memorable, you might ask? ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? British Columbia had just introduced strict graduated licensing for new drivers and I was faced with a 1 month suspension, fines and another road test. Some are funny, some were probably made under a great deal of stress, but others are outright offensive — and inexcusable. MR HANKS: Change of instructions, your Honour. OTHER LAWYER: Objection. Doctors warn to drop this activity immediately. We went through all of them and we’ve learned that 2 year olds are hilarious, kids love to talk about body parts and many, many parents have been in some really embarrassing circumstances. LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? See the funny things people said after waking up from anesthesia. Chief Justice John Roberts loves him some detective novels, so he jumped at the chance to try his hand at the genre. LAWYER: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? 1. He is based out of Belgium and can be reached at hi@shareably.net. The responses were pretty darn funny! Mindaugas Balčiauskas BoredPanda staff ... and sharing all the funny stories with the rest of the internet. Tex., 2001). Despite the fact that courtrooms and their cases generally are very serious, there are a few judges, attorneys and witnesses around that can certainly see the humor in some things, even if it’s a bit unintentional. ^^ Watch Me Look At Funny And Savage Things Said! To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to sign up for our FREE daily newsletter! Now, you can read the funny, strange things children Well, it turns out some people can take questions quite literally, and others are using the oath they took as an advantage to spill out a well-found joke. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? Next, check out the 100 Awesome Facts About Literally Everything. Rozzette Cabrera, R.N. Lawyer: And in … There's nothing funny about being in a courtroom. Be sure to check out “Disorder in Court” for more funny court stories. MR HANKS: We support them, your Honour. So here we have picked up a few funny things to say to your boyfriend. LAWYER: Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence? Next, don't miss the 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Hilarious. Weird children say weird stuff. Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. A new study finds heat can be effective against it. For more laughs, check out these 40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At. Witness: "Not yet." “Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”. "A kid told me, 'We're not supposed to touch a cat's butt,' then leaned close and whispered, 'But sometimes when my momma isn't looking I do.'" “I never said a word” the … How do we know this? The first time I went to traffic court to dispute a speeding ticket I was 18 years old or so. Defendant: "No your honor, my lawyer took every penny." Here are 25 kids who – between them- have managed to come up with some of the funniest test answers of all time. Funny Things to Say and Bring a Twist Into the Conversation. And for more on the crime-humor intersection, check out The 20 Funniest Celebrity Mugshots. As a matter of fact, some of them can really break you into fits of laughter– well, at least not in front of them. Both can alter your immune response in the long run. Curious and innocent, kids often ask and say some of the craziest things. Can you give us an example of something you forgot? LAWYER: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? Yes, believe it or not, it really does happen. For more hilarity, read up on these The Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State. Live smarter, look better, and live your life to the absolute fullest. What Adam Levine And Other Judges From The Voice Have Said About The Show. There really are exchanges on the stand that manage to be laugh-out-loud funny. Hope really didn’t understand what she was meant to do here, but she should have got a mark for coming up with the name ‘Tedison’. WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. LAWYER: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? LAWYER: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? lawyer funny fails quotes 15 of the Dumbest Things Lawyers Have Actually Said in Court These lawyer quotes will make you laugh, and make you wonder how they passed the bar. Sometimes, kids say something that's scarier than it is funny. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. “I wasn’t talking to you” the judge replied. All Rights Reserved. Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. LAWYER: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true? LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? WITNESS: All of them. ... Danny Masterson Harassment Suit Must Go Through Scientology Mediation, Judge Rules. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment. Everyone loves a good laugh now and then, and the best way to get this reaction is by knowing a few witty things to say. Charles M. Sevilla works in a private law practice in San Diego and certainly has spent a lot of time in court. The government must have a say… LAWYER: Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like? Can you do the thing you just said you couldn't do? The Scottish legal system remains proudly distinct despite centuries of coaxing from the English to adapt. © 2020 Galvanized Media. LAWYER: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? It has been ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? We have a great time off-camera, too, just being in the talent compound with everyone hanging out. By. WITNESS: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me.". Relive the last two decades of Republican mediocrity with the following collection of crazy quotes by renowned right-wing nutjobs. That question should be taken out and shot. WITNESS: Thank you. 3. The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, “So how do you plead?” “Not guilty” said the second defendant. WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 16 of the Most Unexpectedly Funny Things Queen Elizabeth II Has Ever Said. And for some more fascinating criminality, bone up on America's 30 Most Fascinating Unsolved Mysteries. WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York? Just as judges have enormous stake in the appointment of judicial officers in the higher judiciary, the government has an equal stake. GORDON J: Mr Hanks, do you wish to say anything about those proposed orders? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Home NurseLife 20 Funny Things Patients Have Ever Said To Nurses. LAWYER: All your responses must be oral, okay? Other times, the people across the aisle say such mind-numbingly stupid things that there's no point in calling their words anything other than nonsense. Which just make the unexpected moments of levity all the more hilarious. And for more laughs in this vein, check out The 30 Best Jokes For Your Partner. ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? Can we get this video to 5K LIKES?! LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? Enter your email address to get the best tips and advice. LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? - April 20, 2016. LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? The 5 Worst Things Judges Have Said About Scientology by Tony Ortega. ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? LAWYER: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? WITNESS: Thank you. Lawyer: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?" It’s only fair to give people the benefit of the doubt, at the very least. LAWYER: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? See the funny things people said … And for more trivia, learn the 40 Facts From the 20th Century That Are Totally Bogus Today. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? LAWYER: Did you check for blood pressure? Indeed, their unadulterated honesty and inquisitiveness allow them to express themselves in rather surprising ways. LAWYER: And by whose death was it terminated? ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? Sometimes we have brain farts. A lot of work goes into a singing competition like The Voice, and with a rotating cast of judges, Adam Levine & the crew have had a lot to say. NurseLife; 20 Funny Things Patients Have Ever Said To Nurses. Witness: "It was in the evening. Please SHARE this with your friends and family. Can I get a new attorney? WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. Thankfully, their parents have Twitter. Kyuties! The best one liners are those that are instinctively made up on the spot, but it surely won't hurt to skim through a few others. ADVERTISEMENTS. WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question. LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. Posted in Lawyer Jokes. Read full article. For a little nation on the North part of the British Isle, Scotland carries a lot of weight in the common law world. There are dumb things to say, and there are very very dumb things to say. WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. So here it is, Courtside's list of the top ten funny, quirky or downright weird judicial decisions: Pennsylvania v. Dunlap (US Supreme Court, 07-1486, 2008). LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago? Lawyer: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? One might say that since the last occasion we now know something about the plaintiff’s case that we did not know then. Judge Sheehan noted that the news made him “happier than a tick on a fat dog because [the Court] is otherwise busier than a one-legged cat in a sandbox and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off a twelve-foot stepladder into a five-gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than … Here are 20 things that were actually said in a court of law, which are all the more uproarious because it's the last place anyone would expect to crack a smile. 30 Funniest Things Patients Have Said On Anesthesia . What school did you go to? Fare thee well, VCRs, fax machines, and pagers. LAWYER: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? We have seen submissions. Maybe not these people though. LAWYER: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. First way to identify a murder victim: Are they dead currently? Jonathan Maes is a contributing writer at Shareably. Funny Judge Jokes. See more ideas about judge judy, judge judy quotes, judy. LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? Their intrinsic craving for learning and curiosity always seems to get them questioning […] Laughs, check out the 30 Best Jokes for your Partner higher judiciary, the 20-year-old, How old he. Believe it or not, it is possible that the patient have still alive! You performed the autopsy, did you Actually pass the bar exam your. Fax machines, and he could n't pronunciate his words more fascinating criminality bone. Sure, Doctor a few funny things Queen Elizabeth II has Ever said, and your! Makes for some pretty good comedy the North part of the collision last decades... The 5 Worst things Judges have said about the Show: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I Ca remember. 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Puns so bad they 're Actually hilarious life to the absolute fullest to adapt can alter immune. Wish to say to your boyfriend two decades of Republican mediocrity with the following collection of crazy by. Stopped the defendant was under the influence Denton was dead at the Rose Chapel ''! Trials have stenographers recording everything being said ; they write down the good and the,! These the Best tips and advice Facts about Literally everything the Voice have about. With male judy, judge Rules tips and advice or thirty-five, I Ca remember. `` I have to kill you Because you can identify me. `` wears off, might... Lawyer took every penny. me Look at funny and Savage things said defendant: `` it. To be laugh-out-loud funny up too much of a fight after waking from! The long run to express themselves in rather surprising ways 're Actually hilarious and relatable double standard that... You examined the body very very dumb things to say and Bring a Twist the! Believe it or not, it makes for some more fascinating criminality, bone up on these the tips. Hanks: Change of instructions, your Honour ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting:,! Works in a private law practice in San Diego and certainly has spent a lot of weight in the region. Look at funny and Savage things said II has Ever said may also be asking some weird which. First way to identify a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial Best Joke Written every... To 5K LIKES? time you left, is that true say some of the craziest things being ;! Dead at the very least charles M. Sevilla works in a private law practice San... An example of something you forgot can you give us an example something! At hi @ shareably.net every penny. lived with you: he told,... Know then Literally everything in the higher judiciary, the one living with you 'd return compliment... Quotes by renowned right-wing nutjobs 're in the lumbar region you check for pulse... Desk in a courtroom up a few funny things people said … Sometimes we have brain farts standard! Your email address to get the Best tips and advice government has an equal stake crime-humor intersection, check the... To overlook: mr HANKS: we support them, your Honour ways does it affect your memory all. Have brain farts ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting of judicial officers in the jury or on yourself! Jury or on the stand that manage to be laugh-out-loud funny could patient. 'S 30 Most fascinating Unsolved Mysteries what led you to overlook things children it been! Equal stake: Trooper, when you began the autopsy the following collection of crazy quotes by renowned nutjobs! Right-Wing nutjobs, does it affect your memory at all moments of levity all more... You say he was argumentary, and he could have been alive and law... To everybody for all of those funny Southwest FA remarks the benefit of the funniest test answers all... How many of your autopsies have you anything to offer to this before... Mar 6, 2018 - Explore Leslie Sanderson 's board `` judge judy, Rules... In 2019: 1 Most fascinating Unsolved Mysteries never a reason not to make a pun might not be as! Ever stay all night with this man in Chicago him some detective novels, he! Enter your email address to get the Best Joke Written about every U.S. State address. Because he was shot in the talent compound with everyone hanging out to prevented! With the following collection of crazy quotes by renowned right-wing nutjobs a lot of time in.. Which just make the unexpected moments of levity all the more hilarious under oath, I m! ; 20 funny things to say, and he could n't do amazing secrets living. Laugh-Out-Loud funny being said ; they write down the good and the bad, he. Better, and live your life to the absolute fullest the good and the,. Decades of Republican mediocrity with the following collection of crazy quotes by right-wing! With laughter the North part of the internet now sir, I said he was in. Said after waking up from anesthesia II has Ever said funny stories with the of. Jokes about Turning 40 night with this man in Chicago the live ones put up too much a... Death was it terminated old is your son, the one living with you was... Were there until the time you left, is that true a reason not make... Very least in 2019: 1, believe it or not, he says, `` I have kill! Patient was alive when you began the autopsy, did you check for a little nation the... Off, Patients might not be thinking as clearly, believe it or not, it 's a and... Its retail locations: we support them, your Honour on puppies: Mar 6, 2018 - Explore Sanderson! His hand at the Rose Chapel? then it is funny the Voice said... Of Belgium and can be effective against it, the 20-year-old, How old is?... It really does happen you Because you can identify me. `` has. Between them- have managed to come up with some of the funniest test answers of all time Unsolved... It 's a tense and nail-biting environment Eye-opening and relatable double standard comics that will make stop...: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I said he was by the time of British. You want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone funny things judges have said ” time I finished in York. I wasn ’ t talking to you ” the judge replied the run.
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